After Abortion Segregation

“She became a completely different person overnight,” the caller outlined about her daughter. “I read your blog and believe that she may have chosen abortion.”

Abortion changes everything, whether the mother or father knows it or not.  It can be decided in panic and regretted forever.  Afterwards, many hearts simply segregate themselves from those that love them in order to protect this secret sin from ever being discovered.

When I exited my abortion clinic, I was a shell of the woman I had been two hours previously.  It took a few minutes to realize that I had to go back into my college dorm and act like nothing had happened.   I quickly segregated myself from my friends, entering a deep emotional cocoon that kept both joy and sorrow in check.  I remained in that self-imposed prison for many years until God’s love set me free.

Acting like nothing has happened after abortion is emotionally exhausting.  Many truly believe they can forget this choice.  For some, that is possible.  Yet for many, making the pain go away is quite futile.

It is amazing the hurt and pain that someone can use to build a wall of defense.  That emotional barricade keeps everyone out in an effort to never experience that level of hurt and heartache again.

Family members rarely consider their loved one was even pregnant.  They are mystified and struggle to figure out what caused such an obvious change.  Rarely is abortion even considered.

During that self-imposed emotional imprisonment, many post-abortive men and women internally consider the results of sharing this truth, particularly when attempting to love again.  It takes time to build trust with anyone to be able to share such a painful truth.

Even speaking the word “abortion” can resurrect grief and remorse, reminding sensitive hearts of their children in heaven.  Then comes the terrorizing thoughts of what others might do if they learned this hard truth.

Many do not share this truth, even with future spouses.  Shielding such a secret from someone you love with seems like living a lie.  When life events, like births and deaths, trigger abortion pain, their segregation walls crumble.

This lack of honesty, along with the abortion truth, builds the perspective that they will lose loved ones should they ever discover their abortion event.  That builds a deeper level of internal segregation. Sharing with strangers is sometimes the best way to begin to heal from this pain.

One caller outlined she felt her husband would be compassionate if he discovered her abortion truth.  Her fear was that her lack of initial honesty about this choice would end any trust he may have in her.

We prayed together, asking God to show her what she should do next.  Three days later she shared a story that only God could accomplish.

After we hung up, her doctor’s office called with some test results.  The receptionist explained she had cancer and her physician wanted to see her the next day.  Believing death was near took away her fear of her husband’s rejection.

When he arrived home, she shared her abortion truth.  He comforted her and outlined he always knew she was protecting a secret.  Relieved that the truth was finally revealed, the couple spent the next three hours talking at a new loving level.   She then told him about her cancer diagnosis, which alarmed him greatly.

As the couple met the doctor the next morning, he asked, “Why are you here?”

She responded, “Your receptionist told me I had cancer…”

Shocked, the doctor outlined, “We never share a cancer diagnosis over the phone.  Your tests are clear. You are a healthy woman.”

When she called me the next day to share this story, she was a completely different person.  “It must have been an angel that called because that was the only way I would have ever shared my abortion truth.  I’ve fallen in love with my husband at a much deeper level now, Sydna.  Thank you for helping me.”

If you are experiencing abortion segregation, and are afraid of sharing an abortion truth, Ramah International is here to help.  As “strangers,” our team can help relieve the emotional exhaustion  by listening to and comforting your heart.

Thankfully, God continues to love each and every one of us, regardless of the sins we commit.  This truth is found in Romans 8:31-35:  …If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us….