“My child should have been born by now and enjoying Christmas,” a recently post-abortive women shared. “Will Christmas always remind me of the child I aborted?”
After abortion there is often a period of relief. The anxiety of the situation has been resolved, if only for a while. Perhaps the post-abortive person can forget for many years. Yet there may be triggers that ignite these memories and pain often returns as a result. During Christmas, many discover that their emotional and spiritual pain related to this choice can peak, robbing them of any seasonal joy.
The Christmas after my abortion is a major memory in my heart. I returned home from school three months after my abortion. My parents had no clue I had made this choice. During that holiday season, I worked to keep upbeat so my parents wouldn’t suspect anything. The fake smile that I kept on my face was quite debilitating. I shuddered at the idea of future Christmas seasons where my abortion pain could be ignited!
Seven years later, my husband and I celebrated Christmas with full hearts because of the gift of our newborn child. One night before Christmas Day arrived, I awoke to the sound of a baby crying. As I rose to tend to my infant, I realized my son was fast asleep in his bassinet beside my bed.
When the child’s cry sounded again, I got up and went through my house and noticed our beautiful Christmas tree. A familiar emotion crept into my heart. A child was missing from our celebration – the one I had aborted as a teenager. As I heard the unknown child’s cry again, I attempted and failed to put the thought of my lost child out of my heart.
I found the sound was coming from our baby monitor. It was picking up the transmission of another unit nearby. I then heard the child’s mother coming to provide comfort.
The experience of that sound in my house ignited my abortion grief. I could not stop the sobs that then overwhelmed me as I realized my child’s death again. My soul was filled with deep regret. The crying of another child triggered that understanding which eventually led to my journey to discovering God’s amazing healing after abortion.
Christmas observations often include the sharing of the story of God sending His own Son to Earth through a teenage unwed mother. The story of Christ’s birth can trigger unresolved abortion pain. Matthew 1:18-20 outlines that amazing testimony of the birth of Jesus Christ:
Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: After His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly. But while he thought about these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. And she will bring forth a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.”
If you are struggling with grief this Christmas season, here are 4 ideas that may comfort your heart:
Embrace the Tears
Psalm 126:5 reveals that tears lead to joy – Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.
Fearful of a mental breakdown, post-abortive hearts often believe that if they start crying, they won’t be able to stop. Yet tears are the body’s way of ridding itself of toxins which makes grieving good for our health.
Humans never get over grief. We simply get through it. When my parents passed away, I learned this truth at a deeper level. I never want to “get over” their deaths. They will remain precious people in my life and I will miss them forever. Anniversary dates of their death, birthdays and tangible items continue to remind me and comfort me in living on Earth without them.
It is the same in my heart when I grieve my child, whom I named Jesse. Tears are precious to God. As the Psalm 125:5 verse above reveals, weeping draws us closer to His everlasting arms. By embracing grief, we can discover peace and comfort.
God can release the guilt of the loss of these precious children. Tears begin God’s cleansing process, starting the process of settling His peace in your heart.
Develop Tangible Reminders
Because there is no graveside to visit after a child dies from abortion, most post-abortive people have no place to go to grieve. Society often outlines that if you made this choice, you don’t deserve any comfort. Few ever have a funeral or memorial service for their aborted child unless they participate in the abortion recovery process.
Memorials don’t need to be extensive. Some have planted a tree in their back yard to remind them of the child they lost to abortion. Others create beautiful works of art or purchase “mother’s rings” with a gemstone that matches their child’s potential due date.
Christmas is another season where tangible items can be a comfort in future years when the memories of these lost children are triggered. One woman shared, “Last year I bought a beautiful crystal ornament as a memorial to my child. This year it doesn’t hurt me to look at it. In fact, it is a real comfort!”
Donate in Your Child’s Name
Donating in a lost child’s name to ministries that actively work to provide a better choice to women than abortion can also be healing. Contributing to ministries such as Ramah International, that actively help both abortion-vulnerable and post-abortive women, can mean the gift of life to other children. If our ministry has blessed you in any way, a financial gift will help us spread God’s blessing of healing and restoration to the world’s wounded hearts.
Commit to Pursuing Abortion Recovery
If the heartache of a past abortion continues to resurrect Christmas blues, it’s time to embrace an abortion recovery program. There is no sin that God cannot forgive – even abortion. The problem may be that you don’t forgive yourself and may need help.
This year Ramah International launched a new online abortion healing course that can help you begin to embrace God’s healing. Take time to visit this new abortion healing site and feel free to contact our team for additional assistance. We are here to help you!
The hope of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross for our sins is a theme of Christmas celebrations. God has each aborted child in His heavenly care. Luke 2:14 reveals that God’s goal is to restore the peace in our hearts, no matter what sin has been committed – Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!