9 Ways to Help Someone After Abortion
Everyone is impacted by abortion, whether they know it or not. If abortion advocates reveal that one in three American women have made this choice, then at least 1 in 3 men have lost children to abortion as well. Every family member is impacted by their loved one’s abortion decision, even if that choice has never been shared publicly.
The post-abortive demographic today comprises one of the most isolated societies in modern history. If abortion was so common that 33% of women have had this experience, why aren’t more talking about their “choice?”
The reason we aren’t sharing this truth is that we aborted to keep our unexpected pregnancy a secret. Abortion was sold to us as a way for no one to find out we were stupid enough to get pregnant. If that is the case, why would we ever want to talk about this past choice?
In an attempt to normalize abortion, pro-abortion media and entertainment networks often include abortion stories in their creative efforts. These plot lines often feature typical abortion experiences with one exception – they rarely follow the character through their entire life cycle of dealing with this pain on a regular basis.
Portraying women as “empowered” after abortion is common in these efforts to normalize this choice. The deep regret that often occurs years after an abortion is rarely featured.
While women may initially feel relief after this choice, it is often a temporary mindset. As life moves along, triggers of grief and loss can often lead to feelings of deep and lasting regret that includes generally missing the child they lost.
When someone eventually confesses an abortion secret, they typically are searching for peace. Maybe they want to know if they did the right thing. Others could be testing the waters to determine if they will be judged and cast out. Some simply cannot live with the horrible memories that led them to so many other dysfunctional behaviors.
After these initial confessions, the individual often goes silent again, hoping that the sharing will help them forget again. Yet pain often reoccurs if it isn’t addressed and healed. Silence does not mean deep wounding isn’t ripping up these hearts, growing deeper and more powerful with each passing day.
If you care about people who have chosen abortion, here are nine things to consider when attempting to help them:
Don’t Assume They Don’t Hurt – If you know about someone’s abortion, and they seem “just fine,” don’t assume they are not feeling regret. Casting someone out as a heartless “Jezebel” due to an obvious lack of regret after abortion is not Godly. That attitude only confirms your judgment against the post-abortive demographic. Most cannot vocalize their feelings about what they are enduring. If they could talk about it, they would.
Walk in Their Shoes – Think about your deepest darkest sin. Now visualize yourself talking about that dark sin in a public setting. Doesn’t sound comfortable, does it? So why should a woman share her abortion story in public? Please refrain from outlining that it’s a good idea to talk about a past abortion openly. Allow the individual the right to keep this sin from the public’s perspective as long as they are still in the healing process.
Include Compassion When Discussing Abortion – Social media is filled with terms like “murder” and “kill” in describing what happens to the tiny human during abortion. While many believe these terms are necessary to use in turning hearts against abortion, the result on post-abortive hearts is a deeper wounding. Few enter abortion clinics in a murderous mindset. Most felt they were caught in a steel trap and had to chew off their own leg to get free. If you are using these harsh terms, include graceful statements like, “There is no sin God cannot forgive. If you’ve made this choice, we are here to help you find His peace.”
Learn More About Abortion’s Impact – Understanding Abortion PTSD builds compassion, particularly if the dysfunctional behavior of a post-abortive person has impacted your life negatively. To learn how this pain impacts men and women in general, visit Her Choice to Heal.
Give Yourself Permission to Grieve – Abortion impacts society as a whole. Many never consider the need to grieve this lost child in a private and healthy way, apart from the post-abortive person. 1 Peter 1:6-7 reveals God’s purpose in anguish – In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
Make Sure to Forgive — Authentically offer the post-abortive demographic unconditional love in abortion discussions. If you are unsure of your need to forgive, God’s word is the perfect tool to convict and remedy any negative emotions that may remain in your heart. Look up Scriptures that include the word, “forgive,” to begin to learn God’s perspective on this essential concept.
Offer Messages of Hope – Abortion is discussed on nearly every media outlet on a daily basis. Please do not avoid the abortion topic once you’ve dealt with your own emotions surrounding this loss. When you do bring up this past choice, remember to outline that there is no sin that God cannot forgive, even abortion, and that you are available to help them find deeper healing.
Don’t Avoid the Topic with Known Post-Abortive People – If someone has shared their abortion secret with you, you have more power than anyone else to help them. Pray for God to open the door for you to bring up their past confession. It can be as simple as saying, “I remember what you confessed to me. I’ve been doing some research and have found some helpful resources should that topic bother you in any way. Just know I love you and am here to help.” Whether they respond doesn’t matter. Planting seeds of compassion in their hearts will never return void.
Read the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion – This book reveals the common post-abortion experience at a deeper level. It is the perfect resource to give to a post-abortive person. While they may not read it immediately, books are hard to throw out. If they accept this book, you can be assured that they have something to help them find God’s healing, even if they cannot discuss it with you.
God has a plan for your involvement in helping the post-abortive discover His grace and mercy after abortion. He reveals this in Acts 26:17b-18 – I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.’