After a sermon about abortion, one woman relayed, “I don’t know how anyone could ever choose abortion.” In overhearing her comments, I had to internally remind myself that she didn’t know I had chosen abortion. She never realized that her words could be tools Satan would use to deepen my belief that no one could forgive this choice.
My former boss at Focus on the Family, H.B. London, Jr. helped me understand these comments, explaining that, “There are those in spiritual leadership who feel that the stronger and more condemning their rhetoric against abortion is — the more people will be influenced to choose morality and chastity. I pray that be so, but for most who hear the bombastic sermons it only causes more pain and a tendency to withdraw even further into one’s private hell.”
Abortion statistics share that one third of all American women are post-abortive. You are constantly encountering us – in supermarkets, teaching your children, running day care centers, at the top levels of corporations or mopping floors in hotels. If abortion is so common, why is it that so few of us confess to this choice? The answer is simple – we are afraid of your judgment, condemnation and rejection.
Understanding Post-Abortive Behavior
Post-abortive behavior can reinforce society’s judgment. We can come across like modern-day Jezebel’s, working to propagandize abortion as a wonderful choice. Perhaps we drink or experiment with drugs, become obese or anorexic, experience levels of depression that lead to suicide. Rarely is our dysfunction connected to our abortion choice as part of the denial process is to evade imminent grief and guilt over our pregnancy loss.
Sadly, I not only recommended abortion to my friends, I righteously told myself it was my “best choice.” Drugs numbed the traumatic experience. I even casually relayed my abortion decision to a family member. His horror at my lack of remorse was interpreted to my heart as judgment and initiated my withdrawal from anyone who would not accept my choice as a good decision. I found temporary security in the society of abortion supporters.
I could not bear the thought of consciously addressing the grief, guilt and agony of resurrecting my child from the depths of my heart. Trusting the Christian society was unimaginable because of expected judgment, condemnation and rejection.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit finally broke through my stony heart and led me to a post-abortion recovery class where I found God’s spectacular healing. He then led me to testify about the plight of post-abortive pain to educate and reach wounded hearts. Amazingly I have yet to be rejected or stoned, and am often received with love for allowing God’s redemption message to pour through my soul as outlined in Revelations 12:10, They overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimonies.
Addressing Abortion Positively
When individuals contact Ramah International in order to find a way to assist a wounded family member, I normally provide a general education on this trauma, outlining the following points:
Understand women rarely choose abortion in a “murderous mindset.” Frederica Mathewes-Green wrote, “A woman doesn’t want an abortion like she wants an ice-cream cone or a Porsche, but like an animal caught in a trap who gnaws off its own leg,” Abortion involves devastating physical trauma which often leads to Post-Traumatic stress disorder as it relates to abortion. When I left the clinic, one was dead and one was wounded.
Refrain from using derogatory terms about those that chose this procedure. As outlined in the first paragraph, many individuals do not realize that post-abortive people are among them. They often spout painful rhetoric that often deepens the anguish these individuals are already experiencing. These terms lead us to further depths in our prisons that reinforce our protective doors. Abortion is not legally considered homicide in our nation no matter how it feels in our own hearts.
If you know a post-abortive person, do not avoid the topic. Evading the issue can reinforce post-abortion conclusions about societal rejection. Positively address the post-abortive listener about God’s love and compassion by saying — “Nearly thirty three percent of women chose abortion? My heart goes out to those who have made this choice and are struggling still. I want to help them to know about God’s healing and forgiveness. But for the grace of God, l could have made the same decision.”
In the time-line of God’s healing process, we need you to love us along our prodigal journey. In referring to the “sinful woman” who was lovingly washing his feet with her tears, Jesus spoke to the obviously judgmental Pharisee saying,
Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little. Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” (Luke 7:47-48 – NIV).
If you open your heart and reach out to the millions of us out here that have made this choice, you could be used by God to unlock our prison doors and bring us into His refreshing healing. Our ability to love others after receiving God’s forgiveness can have magnificent results. That healing experience was life changing for me and opened my heart to helping the millions of others who were struggling in the same way.
Should you have a post-abortive individual on your heart, consider purchasing a copy of my book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion. In providing this tool, you will always know that they have a resource available should this choice every reach a point of pain in their hearts.
As always, Ramah International is here to help wounded hearts, as well as those who may be considering abortion today. Please visit our web site for more information and keep us in your prayers as God uses us to touch these hearts with His hope of healing!