“I must have been sleeping for the last ten years,” the caller screamed. “I’ve been blinded to the horrors of my own abortion. I lived in denial that has evaporated. I don’t need healing. I need to end this horror for other women by working to make abortion illegal!”
Like curtains on our eyes, denial after abortion has many shapes and forms. Initially, we incorrectly perceive we can forgot making this choice. In carefully locking this secret sin the deepest chambers of our heart, we often go on to act like nothing has happened.
When we encounter “life events” – weddings, funerals, births of children, etc. – pent up emotions can be quickly released. In shattering denial, God opens our eyes to the truth of our sin.
In realizing we took the life of a human being, rage and vengeance against the abortion industry is a typical first reaction. If not tempered by God’s healing, the need for post-abortion justice can be highly destructive to everyone involved.
Fresh out of denial, post-abortive people often begin to research abortion. Discovering the staggering number aborted each year in the US alone – 1,200,000 – sparks additional ire and horror.
To stop abortion, post-abortive individuals often make hasty family confessions without preparation. Feelings of rejection and self-loathing often make it difficult to communicate at all. In these moments, we often hurt the ones we love and perceive their reactions to our truth as “judgment.”
Grief is on the doorstep and the common defense against tears is anger. Unhinged and deeply disturbed, post-abortive hearts can encounter all sorts of dysfunctional emotions until they discover God’s forgiveness.
When God rolled away the denial curtains that hung like clouds over my eyes, an internal fury quickly overwhelmed me. The ferocity of my post-abortion rage both startled and consumed me quickly.
I fell into panic, realizing other women were still ending the lives of their children. Thankfully, I was then working for the largest pro-life organization in the US in that day – Focus on the Family. Learning about pregnancy centers – that offer women the support needed to continue their pregnancies – was the only joy to my heart.
My abortion truth broke me more than I realized. How could I have stood by for nearly eleven years defending my choice in my heart? When I read the symptoms of Abortion PTSD (post-abortion syndrome), I saw my life’s heartaches outlined clearly. That allowed a pathway to healing through a pregnancy center’s abortion recovery program.
When bitterness and anger seeps into an already broken heart, the need for “justice” can ignite. Thankfully, God tempers wounded hearts. In my life, I was allowed to confess to this sin through my pro-life employer and seek out ways to help other women make a better choice.
Romans 12:18-19 helped tempered my fury – If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
One of the strongest of human passions, anger, seldom leaves our hearts without being address directly. When denied, anger finds other ways to express itself, often through bitterness or depression. When expressed inappropriately, it can be terribly destructive to anyone unfortunate enough to be in its path.
During the aftershock of post-abortive understanding, justice is the last emotion we should pursue. Whether it seethes on the surface or hides underneath, anger is an emotion that needs attention. When it’s related to abortion, it often acts as a roadblock to healing – around which there is no detour.
My deep desire to end abortion was channeled in a healthy manner by sharing my testimony on a 1992 Focus on the Family broadcast. God helped me outline why women make this choice and advertise God’s healing. An abortion recovery program helped me work through every emotion – denial, anger, forgiveness, grief and letting go – resulting in deep peace and Godly direction.
It is a comfort to know that there will be a day in heaven when all of us will account for our lives here on Earth. Psalms 37:1-2 outlines, Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.
If you have experienced abortion, an abortion recovery program can help you find a peaceful way to pursue justice relating to abortion. After healing, working to end abortion can be both powerful and effective. Even in simply voting for pro-life candidates, you can help end abortion’s devastation.
If you have been wounded by a post-abortive person in pain, please forgive them. Research Abortion PTSD to help understand their reactions better. If they are still wounded, ask God to help them find peace so they can live a life free of the burden of abortion’s sin. Ramah International is here to help!