“I don’t know how anyone who claims to know Christ could ever abort,” a woman stated as we shared a meal at a pregnancy center fund-raising event just before I shared my abortion story.
She had no idea that I was a Christian when I aborted my child. I gently responded, “One in three women in any setting could be post-abortive. Most abortion patients provide a religious affiliation on their intake forms. Only 38% report they have no faith background.”1
Her look of disbelief and shock was noticeable. I wasn’t sure she believed me.
I continued, “In 2014, 24% of abortion patients were Catholic, 17% were mainline Protestant, 13% were evangelical Protestant and 8% identified with some other religion. Churched women are more likely to abort due to shame issues.” 1
I had no idea what God thought about abortion in 1981 when I got pregnant. My pastor and the Christian college I was attending had been silent on the topic. My parents never mentioned that abortion was bad or wrong.
My Christian friends quietly chose abortion to spare their family the shame of an unexpected pregnancy. There were many pregnancies on my Christian college campus the year I aborted but not one live birth among unmarried students.
I did not know that abortion was the taking of a life – a sin in God’s eyes. Since it was a “safe and legal,” I reasoned it must be okay. I never read God’s perspective outlined in Deuteronomy 30:19-20 – This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.
My boyfriend informed me that he would leave me in the streets of that city if I came out pregnant. When I stepped into the abortion clinic, I was overcome with panic and felt the need to flee. It was horrifically cold at a spiritual level.
Sadly, while I may have accepted Christ, I could not discern His voice in my head that day. The Holy Spirit was working to communicate but I could not understand.
I endured my abortion without benefit of anesthesia, experiencing the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. As the abortion began, all I could do was whisper in my head, “God, please forgive me.”
God didn’t leave my heart after my abortion. He was always there. His message always called me to repent and sin no more. But I avoided that conviction. Believing I had committed the absolute worst sin of allowing my innocent child to die, I sadly embraced other sinful behaviors.
Isolation from the Christian community was also part of my post-abortion experience. Congregations are filled with post-abortive women who need to hear that while abortion is wrong, God’s grace and mercy can heal any sinful choice.
Repenting and returning to God’s wonderful presence meant admitting my abortion was a wrong choice. In many “life” moments, God wore down my stony heart and helped me to realize that He still loved me, no matter what choices I made.
God had a “gotcha moment” in store for me – an appointed time to bring me back to His grace and mercy once and for all. One day I felt a severe pain while pregnant with my next child. When I saw blood, I realized I could be miscarrying. Feeling desperate for God’s help, I got down on my hands and knees and begged God to forgive me for my abortion.
Thankfully, God heard my prayer. He was just waiting for me to welcome Him back so He could restore my wounded heart. I John 1:9 reveals, If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
When a Christian aborts, they often have a longer road in discovering God’s redemption due to the added shame and guilt. When someone accepts Christ after choosing abortion, all their past sins are forgiven and healing can arrive in an instant.
Jesus Christ died on the cross for the sin of abortion. By confessing our sin, we begin His amazing purifying process. A Bible-based abortion recovery program helped God cleanse all my unrighteous acts – before, during and after my abortion. If you are struggling after abortion, His healing is available to you. Ramah International is here to help you find peace.
If you are part of a body of believers, realize the post-abortive are around you. Whenever abortion is discussed, be sure to add the perspective of God’s mercy no matter what choices we make. God can use you to ignite His healing in our wounded hearts!