“My girlfriend wants to have an abortion,” the male caller stated. “Can you help me figure out how I can stop her? She can’t do this without my permission, right?”
A woman cannot get pregnant alone. For every aborted child, there is a father who may or may not have been involved in their child’s death. There are also many other masculine voices that she may be allowing to influence her choice – male friends, brothers, fathers uncles and grandfathers.
More abortion decisions are made in local high school locker rooms than in pregnancy centers across our nation. Depending on the impact of his masculine peer group, a potential father can easily be swayed to one abortion extreme or another – life or death.
Men can make bad decisions and regret them just like women. Great time is spent in the abortion recovery process to forgive anyone associated with this choice – particularly the potential father of their babies.
While men may not possess any legal rights in the abortion decision, they have more influence than they sometimes realize. That power typically depends on the strength of their relationship with the child’s mother.
If the potential pregnancy is a result from a “one-night stand” or a “date/rape” situation, male viewpoints may have a minimal impact on the abortion decision. Women may then involve other men in making her abortion choice.
If the man has a relationship with the mother, he then becomes a primary abortion influence in her decision. That doesn’t mean he has full control of her decision. It simply implies that his perspectives are normally considered before an abortion occurs.
There are four typical mindsets that men can present in an unexpected pregnancy that have differing impacts on the woman’s abortion decision:
The potential father with a Guardian mindset doesn’t want his child aborted. When the unexpected pregnancy is discovered, the Guardian is typically supportive of a life decision.
Guardians often propose marriage. They are joyous with the news that they are going to be a father. If the mother of his potential child is determined to abort, a Guardian often works to get her to change her mind.
Guardians often don’t realize they have no actual rights in the abortion decision. While they may hold some influence, other people in the woman’s life often overrule his desires. This is particularly the case if the woman is under 20. Her male family members can have a much greater influence in these circumstances.
Still working to be supportive, the Guardian can abandon his pursuit of marriage and hesitantly accompany her to the clinic. The clinic experience rarely allows him to hold her hand through the procedure.
Men often wait in the car with plenty of time to think.They are unaware that the women they are waiting for in the abortion clinic may be praying that they will break in and rescue them.
By enabling her abortion, the Guardian can then experience significant post-abortion pain. He often feels emasculated by his inability to protect his child. Rarely does his relationship with the woman endure after abortion.
The Not Included father typically does not know about the woman’s pregnancy. His role in the conception offers him indirect influence. He could be:
- A “potential” father among several other men
- A temporary boyfriend who doesn’t communicate with the woman after the conception
- A person the woman doesn’t want in her life
The Not Included father typically has little opportunity to directly influence a woman’s choice. He may later discover the abortion and grieve his child or feel relieved that he isn’t responsible for financially supporting her child.
A Not Included father, who learns later about the abortion, often maintains the belief that it was another man’s child that was lost – not his. This man may not experience the guilt of post-abortion pain to the same level as those who influenced or enabled the mother’s abortion decision.
Abortion is marketed as a woman’s right to control her body. These messages often silence men from responding in any manner to an unexpected pregnancy situation.
Men with Indifferent mindsets often simply remain silent while the abortion is being decided. They do not know how to express their opinion so they simply shut down. They often make general statements like, “I’ll support whatever choice you make.”
The Indifferent man then may feel no guilt or grief. He simply wouldn’t participate in the choice, allowing the decision to be made solely by the mother.
Indifferent men don’t realize that their silence communicates the following message to the child’s mother – “Please abort!” By not proposing marriage or co-parenting with her, his silence is communicated as rejection. The woman then feels additional pressure to abort as she cannot see how she can parent alone.
Women often feel abandoned by the Indifferent masculine mindset. Yet that may not be the case at all. Many Indifferent men believe they are doing the right thing by allowing women to make this choice. They rarely realize the woman is longing to hear their honest perspective.
A Coercer mindset means the father of the baby pressures, enforces or encourages the abortion. He may threaten physical harm or abandonment if the woman is considering keeping the baby. At the extreme, the Coercer could physically beat the woman hoping she’ll miscarry.
The Coercer has likely encouraged other women to abort. He may be the most active in encouraging abortion with his male friends as well.
Coercers may even resort to other strategies to ensure an abortion takes place. They may push their pregnant women to take drugs. These men then draw dire conclusions like, “You can’t have that baby now because you took drugs that may mean you’ll have a handicapped child!”
Coercers may also be a woman’s abuser. They could be her father, brother, uncle or even new boyfriend. When a Coercer is involved, the woman typically feels she has no other choice but to abort.
Regardless of how an abortion decision was made, God can heal and restore any heart. He can comfort any grieving soul and bring hope for their future whether they are a male or female.
If you were involved in influencing an abortion decision at any level, visit HerChoicetoHeal.com to learn more about Abortion PTSD. Take time to realize that Jesus died for that sin. 1 Peter 2:24 outlines that truth – “He himself (Jesus) bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”