Respecting an Abortion Secret
“I was wondering if you would help connect me with anyone that would be willing to share their abortion story and speak into the darkness about our hope in Jesus?” the writer asked.
I quickly determined not to help this individual. Her reasons for a project that encourages women to share the hope of God’s healing after abortion were good. She just needed more help than I could provide which is a distraction to our own busy ministry efforts.
Another reason for not helping her is that I do not know this individual. She could easily be pro-abortion, despite using the name Jesus in the message. Does she have any healing credential to know when women should and should not share their secret? Why doesn’t she plow her own ground by helping women around her heal and then using that fruit to find a story or two?
Wanting to help others share their abortion stories doesn’t mean individuals have unhealthy motives. To ask another leader to introduce them to women whom they have painstakingly assisted from the depths of abortion’s horrifying impact indicates a lack of spiritual warfare understanding.
Today there are active efforts by pro-abortion groups to encourage women to share their abortion stories. Twitter campaigns like #shoutyourabortion and #1in3 are designed to get women talking to NORMALIZE an abortion experience and reduce/eliminate any related stigma they could be enduring. Abortion can never be normalized. It’s a barbaric procedure that robs a mother and child of a future relationship.
Pro-life groups alternatively want women to outline the pain and suffering of abortion to end it legally. Both sides can use struggling women to their own means in pushing them to speak or write their abortion journey.
As one of the first women to publicly confess my abortion secret in 1992, I did not count the costs of sharing this secret. God had placed me at the top of the food chain for pro-life efforts at Focus on the Family in the 1990’s. That was no coincidence. He had a plan in creating me to use my abortion to help others make a better choice and to help millions of men and women find His healing afterwards.
My voice is a rare asset because it is backed by the tens of thousands of post-abortive stories I’ve heard over the last 27 years. Listening is as important as talking in this effort. As a pioneer in abortion recovery, I learned the following costs of sharing an abortion secret:
The Impact on Associated People
An abortion decision involves many people. It is often a “shared” sin that involves other people with varying degrees of guilt. The potential father(s) along with friends and family are often deeply engaged in the decision, perhaps working both for and against this choice. “Outing” these individuals in a public address can wound them in an ungodly manner.
The consequences for an abortion confessor can be difficult for the non-post-abortive to imagine. This level of rejection is not for the faint of heart. Luke 7:36-39 reveals the way many dismiss those that share sinful testimonies:
When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”
People have angrily walked out during my abortion testimony with looks of great disdain upon their faces. One person vocally proclaimed, “Your abortion RUINED you! I will not sit here and listen to you justify the death of your child.” Their judgment against me was obvious. There was nothing I could do or say to change their minds. These types of judgmental hearts will always be with us, sometimes in great multitudes!
Sharing this secret is lonely, particularly afterwards. People don’t want to talk to me out of the fear they may be perceived as post-abortive. Others have just had their pain defined and aren’t ready to talk about it. My self-esteem doesn’t need a lot of reinforcement after such a talk. I know God is at work in ways I cannot imagine. But that peace has only come over time and with spiritual maturity.
The Outcome on Our Families
Sharing my abortion secret caused my mother great pain. While she never knew I was pregnant, she felt I was telling the world she was a bad mother. She never embraced my ministry efforts during her time on Earth. God required me to break her heart in following His lead into abortion recovery ministry. Thankfully, God’s ministry fruit from her pain is obvious to her now in Heaven.
My son’s basketball dreams were squelched by a high school coach whose wife was on the board of the local Planned Parenthood. Despite being an excellent player, this Coach benched my son because his mother was actively working against abortion. Thankfully, God had other blessings in store on my children’s lives. They have always been proud of my efforts to end abortion one life at a time.
Revelations 12:10-11 was what God used to confirm His leading for sharing my abortion secret – Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
Sharing an abortion story requires extensive depth, strength and maturity in God. It is a self-sacrificing decision because rarely does such effort bring respect or recognition. I face pain each time I confess in reliving my child’s death. The spiritual warfare that has encircled my life and my family is regularly overwhelming.
It is essential that women receive good training and healing before stepping on the public stage with an abortion secret. If you feel God is calling you to speak about your abortion or help others, review Sharing Your Secret – Module 9 on HerChoicetoHeal.com. These nine lessons outline steps to take before sharing and much more. This module can help confirm God’s leading on your life or release you from the public speaking task.
The most effective sharing is with those who are considering abortion. To start healing, work through the modules on HerChoicetoHeal.com. Seek out fellowship at your local pregnancy center to see how they can use your story at a one-on-one level with their clients. Their training and spiritual covering will help grow your understanding of how abortion impacts women.
It’s is amazing to hold a child that God uses you to save from abortion because you shared your abortion truth with their parent(s). That is the best use of an abortion testimony!