What Not to Say to Post-Abortive People
#3 – Don’t Say – Did you know you lost a blob of tissue/baby/child/zygote/fetus/embryo?
Many people have the urge to “set us straight” about our abortion loss. Please understand that our level of healing cannot be judged by our reactions to these statements when even the tone of voice used can be wounding.
Abortion recovery leaders understand that it’s important for a person to realize that they lost a child as a result of their choice. In the confidential setting of a healing class, many are curious about the development of their lost child at the time of their abortion. Class leaders have the skill and training to present this truth in a way that doesn’t wound further.
Talking about our abortion with others usually isn’t the first step in addressing a past choice. Most begin with on-line research. We may or may not have learned the proper terminology about our loss. Even uttering the abortion word may be impossible for us but that doesn’t mean we aren’t well aware of our lost child.
Both pro-choice and pro-life perspectives can both be horrifying at this stage of recovery. Post-abortive people avoid exposure to the abortion issue before they are ready to address this pain. So they often have missed all the political discussions, laws and debates on the topic.
The sudden realization that a child is lost in abortion can launch a person into a period of mourning. During this time, please continue to be encouraging that while abortion is a choice that can never be undone, there is a path to peace afterwards.
If you are post-abortive, please be careful in “googling” the abortion term. Alarming images can intensify emotional agony and magnify spiritual warfare. Search instead for “fetal development photos” to learn more about how your child looked at the time of your abortion.
What to say instead: A pregnancy loss through abortion can be hard. Tell me more about what you are feeling…