“I’m afraid God is going to punish me by not allowing me to have another baby. I need to know if I can still get pregnant. I’m going to work on having another baby right away!” one caller announced emphatically after she confessed to aborting a child three weeks earlier.
She then relayed that her aborted baby was “calling to her” in her dreams. She asked, “Is it possible for my aborted child’s soul to “jump” into another embryo’s body at the moment of conception?”
I gently told her the truth. Her desire to get pregnant again was normal. Working to become pregnant within two years of an abortion decision is sometimes called having an “atonement” baby. These mothers typically want to repair the wrong that the abortion caused to their heart and perhaps even “replace” their lost child.
She was sad when I outlined that each pregnancy involved a separate soul. God makes us all individually. Each pregnancy is biologically unique at a genetic level. A child that dies through abortion will not return to this world. That message was hard for her to receive but we kept talking.
Anxiety over fertility and childbearing issues is a common element of Abortion PTSD. Some women maintain a fear that they might never again become pregnant or have the ability to carry a pregnancy to term. Some expect to have handicapped children because they have, “Disqualified themselves as good mothers.” Many are fearful of many things, never understanding the forgiving nature of our Creator.
Sadly, I’ve worked with many who become pregnant with an “atonement” child only to find themselves in the same circumstances as before when they chose abortion. When they announce their delight at being pregnant again, many receive the same pressure to abort because their physical circumstances has not changed. Those that abort a second time can certainly end up in far deeper emotional pain.
For those that do give birth to “atonement children,” there is an impact at the healing level. One woman outlined to me, “I feel like I’m betraying my daughter in going through a healing class. She would not be here if I had not aborted her brother.” Obviously, children conceived before the aborted child’s due date impact post-abortive hearts in a unique way. Complicated grief issues ensue in these circumstances.
To readers who have “atonement children,” please know it’s perfect to love this child in your life. God doesn’t want to disturb that relationship in bringing you His healing for your abortion decision. If you are experiencing regret over your choice, a confidential abortion recovery class with understanding leaders can make all the difference in your heart.
The caller and I talked for over an hour and she allowed me to encourage her heart. She was happy to receive my reference to an abortion recovery class. As is often the case, I never talked to her again. I was grateful to have been available to take her call and help answer her heartfelt questions as well as give her hope of peace.
If you are struggling after an abortion, please know that God’s healing is available to you. If I can be of any service to you, please e-mail me at [email protected]. Visit ramahinternational.org for more information on Abortion PTSD and other healing resources.