In the early years after my abortion, I might have been part of Saturday’s “March of the Pink Pussy-Cat Hat Women.” Finding my pro-choice voice back then helped me fight the strange emotional and spiritual pain that was looming around the edges of my heart. The memory of the child I chose to abort kept me on the verge of defensive anger for several years, particularly relating to abortion rights.

The life cycle of an abortion decision typically includes a stint of pro-choice activism that is wrapped in hateful rhetoric towards anyone not obviously pro-choice. Recently post-abortive women can be fiercely loyal to the pro-choice community. Perhaps this is out of OBLIGATION – i.e., “They helped me when I was in a real bad spot. I should help them!

Many souls wearing pink pussy-cat hats on Saturday’s march were likely post-abortive. No one defends abortion like those who have chosen it – at least, initially.  Anger is typically a necessary element of any abortion rights protests.

While I experienced temporary relief after my abortion, unexplained grief hit me seven months later. I cried all night and thought I was going insane.The next morning, the grief was replaced by anger which helped with my anxiety. At that point, I easily could have put on a pink hat with ears and walked in that march!

Whenever I heard the word “abortion,” my heart would fill with anxiety that would flow into anger.  I calmed myself by recounting the reasons my abortion had been a good choice.

Then I surrounded myself with pro-choice individuals, believing they would never judge me for my choice. I stopped short of sharing my abortion truth with them because they didn’t seem THAT compassionate

Eleven years later I connected the dots while reading about “anniversary pain” on the symptom list of post-abortion pain. I realized that “mourning” night had been my baby’s due date which made sense of my grief.

Our choices have a way of catching up with us. I just learned I have skin cancer and face a low-risk procedure to remove it this week.  It took several decades for this cancer to appear, which was a direct result of my youthful choice to use baby oil as suntan lotion.

Back then, we had no idea baby oil would lead to skin cancer. There were no warnings to use sunblock on baby oil bottles either. The same was true when I chose abortion. When I asked if abortion could impact me emotionally or psychologically, the abortion clinic worker laughed. She then lied and said, “Abortion will make your life better!”

When I gave birth seven years later, I encountered my first “motherhood wonderment” moment. I never expected that spiritual joy and my complete fulfillment as a woman would arrive in my heart when they placed my first newborn child in my arms.

That was the most positive and amazing day of my life, marred only by the truth that my baby son reminded me of his older brother who would never walk this Earth. My lost child became part of my life at a very different level that day. Even then, I rationalized that faced with a similar situation, I’d make the same choice.

Abortion is still a deep secret in our society. Feminine loyalty to abortion is often a youthful predicament. That does not mean that in future decades, these pink pussy-cat hat ladies won’t come to regret their abortion. If they hold onto those pink hats, they will be reminded of the horrible way they sounded this past weekend. Many will regret their involvement and likely become involved in pro-life efforts, just like me!

I’m glad that God spiritually and emotionally healed the wounded part of my heart relating to my abortion choice. Psalm 25:6-8 (NIV) shares this truth – Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good. Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

When you grow angry at woman advocating abortion, please pray for them. They may confront you, throw water on you or even call you horrible names. I encourage you to turn the other cheek, forgive them and understand they know not what they do – yet.  While the wicked are certainly among these protesters – those that have truly profited from abortion – many simply have yet to encounter spiritual and emotional regret. The life cycle of their abortion decision is still in the early stages.

Please know the post-abortive are always with hearing distance of your comments. Please be compassionate. Romans 5:6-8 (NIV) relays, You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.  Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Abortion Recovery Blog Sydna Masse

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