Her Choice Not to Heal After Abortion
“I am not worthy of God’s peace or healing, Sydna,” the young woman said. “I let my baby die in that abortion clinic. Healing means I must forgive myself which will never happen. I deserve to rot in Hell.”
When a woman leaves an abortion clinic, one is dead, and one is wounded. The wounded woman typically feels immediate relief. That respite is temporary. The choice has been made and the anxiety, threats and arguments often surrounding such a choice are typically silenced. Most believe they can forget the abortion ever happened.
As the post-abortive journey moves along, trauma often presents itself in ways that seem unrelated to abortion grief. It’s common for post-abortive women to discount sudden emotional and spiritual pain that appears for no reason. Abortion is rarely discussed as the source for this sudden angst.
When the emotional and spiritual pain arrives, women can also fear they are experiencing God’s judgment. They can sadly believe that everything that goes wrong in their life is due to God’s wrath over their abortion. Many don’t realize that this pain is the consequence of abortion – not God’s revenge.
One difficult symptom of the Abortion PTSD experience involves self-destructive behaviors. Refusing to forgive the younger version of yourself for making such a death choice is where many women find themselves years later. Unfortunately, the decision not to embrace a Godly abortion recovery program opens hearts up to additional harm.
Abortion’s emotional and spiritual pain is likely one of worst forms of self-torture that exists in our world today. It binds our hearts to the anxiety and shame that someone could discover this awful truth about us and cast us out. Reaching out for help seems impossible as many cannot even speak the word “abortion.”
Refusing or rejecting God’s healing – or believing you are unworthy of forgiveness – can certainly enhance abortion’s emotional and spiritual damage cycle. The worst aspect of self-destructive behaviors is listening and believing that nasty voice inside your mind that says you deserve to rot in Hell for making this choice.
Self-destructive behaviors can also be encouraged by other abortion antagonists. My own abortion journey involved emotional abuse from my child’s birth-father. When he noticed I was sad after our abortion, he threatened to tell everyone about it if I did not “get happy” and stop making him feel bad.
He rebuffed any related guilt, saying, “Abortion is safe and legal in the USA. You don’t get to mourn a child that you chose to abort. Get happy or I’ll make your life even more miserable.”
Suffering often becomes a way of life after abortion. Women unbelievably remain with abusers because they feel they deserve the punishment. Blackmail threats about sharing this secret can be more disabling than strong ropes or walls when it comes to stepping forward to embrace God’s healing.
Satan doesn’t have any new tricks. His biggest con job is to remind us of the myth that God won’t forgive an abortion decision. God’s word trashes that lie:
Isaiah 58:9 – Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
2 Corinthians 5:17-18 – Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation….
Rebuffing tears is another common part of choosing not to heal after abortion. Many women reveal their biggest fear is that if they begin to cry, they won’t be able to stop. They stew in anxiety that if they cry, they may be led to commit suicide.
If the woman did not know God before her abortion, the emotional and spiritual pain may not be as severe. During the salvation experience, however, God often reveals past sins as part of the redemption process. God’s spirit is fresh in these hearts and His comfort can be so very tangible.
God can heal abortion’s wounded hearts instantly, just like in Mark 6:56 – Wherever He (Jesus) entered, into villages, cities, or the country, they laid the sick in the marketplaces, and begged Him that they might just touch the hem of His garment. And as many as touched Him were made well.
For others, God chooses to walk them through the healing process versus experiencing instant relief. Whatever you may think, God never enjoys watching us suffer. He has a reason for the ache we experience and never wastes the pain we endure. He uses it to heal our hearts.
When God showed me that I had lost my own child in my abortion, that revelation was initially overwhelming. I had to cry and could not stop thinking about this child that seven years earlier I had simply allowed to die.
Then came the day when I thought I was losing my next child in the womb. Without thinking, I got down on my knees and prayed to God – Please forgive me for my abortion. Don’t take this baby to punish me.
That quickly spoken prayer set 1 John 1:9 to work in my heart – If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Within a few minutes of that prayer, I saw my unborn child on an ultrasound screen. God’s purification process to remove my unrighteousness began in that moment. My fully developed child was kicking me and sucking his thumb and was just past the first trimester mark. I knew then that I had aborted a baby and not a blob of tissue as they had described at the abortion clinic.
In embracing the pain and agreeing to attend an abortion recovery class, I gave God the keys to my heart. Back then, I really didn’t have a choice. God was pursuing me by reminding me daily of the unconfessed sin that surrounded me. In turning back to Him, I had to face the pain and the abortion.
I then begged God to take away that intense pain. God didn’t answer that prayer the way I wanted. Because God created me, He knew how to heal my heart. He knew I had to also address the additional sins that had resulted because of my abortion.
When God wants us to come back into His fellowship, He can use common triggers of abortion pain to wake up the grief in our souls. Our Creator knows the truth revealed in Psalm 126:5 – Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.
If your abortion pain has been awakened, visit HerChoicetoHeal.com. There is no sin that God cannot forgive and use for His future glory. This pain can only intensify if ignored. Take a moment to ask God to help you begin to heal.
If you know someone who has experienced abortion, share with them the hope of God’s healing. Encourage them to reach out and begin God’s cleansing process and emotionally support them in that journey. As you watch, God will perform an amazing transformation with His peace upon their lives.